MALE VALUES - PART 7

Hi. Long time no see. It has been too long. I can't remember the last time I wrote a Male Values chapter. Stats say this is the seventh posting. I didn't plan to write six and then leave the other four months apart. Shit happens! Sometimes you have to invest in a girl or should I say get your heart shattered, stomped, battered, recycled and then thrown back at you in the crappy material second hand paper is made of. I give up. Hell who wouldn't?! Women won't give you a break. I mean they are bloody sinister masterminds! Instead of having their PMS all at the same time, they "strangely" insist on having this bitchy attitude in a straight succession, which means men feel like shooting the whole damn race, all month long! The ultimate and most drastic case of PMS rage is marriage. It starts at a week and ends in a life long hell. Side effects are swollen prostate, single beds and masturbation.

Women are divided into three groups: women, bitches and selective bitches. Women include moms, sisters, grans, one or two unfuckable cousins and that's about it. Bitches are the best. They're easy to find, all you have to do is ride around town after eleven, pick them out of a catalogue, have great sex (and a decent blowjob!), pay and you won't have to see them again. Selective bitches are the ones you have to avoid. Not trying to get all Gaytrix on you but "they're all around us". The blonde in your geometry class. Her friends. The librarian. The social security lady. The bank clerk. In fact, 99,9% of females that aren't bitches are selective bitches! Why should they be extinct? Because they don't like decent guys like us! They like men who are rich, have a fly ride and above all treat them like shit. If you look like a travesti, smoke weed, drink, get butt banged twice a day and beat them up harder than the Undertaker wacking Shawn Michaels, you are her man. If you're like me, an obvious dude, you have no shot. Just do what I do. Stick to whores. Selective bitches have t-shirts saying:"boys, coffee and chocolate are best rich"(you are my fave slut S, but I still love you!) or "I swallow". Sure beats lie detectores...

I am an extremely hated person. The main reason I write Male Values is because I'm miserable and lonely. Portugal was supposed to have been my toilet, but it's turning out the other way round. I'm not looking for sympathy. Maybe I put it on myself by being too nice. Now I'm lonely, sad, desperate and sexless. No one laughs at my jokes anymore, even though they're better than most. I'm discriminated for being an outsider. I hope things will change. Either that or I'll try moving to Mars where there are no people around. Maybe then I'll be safe. I've heard that martian threesomes are the bomb!

Sleeping, You're back, In The Rain

Sleeping remains
I'm standing in the rain
A song won't bring you back
Folks just won't cut you slack

A rainbow in the sky
Birds just hide and cry
We kept you in esteem
Now all we do is scream

I laughed for a while
I was litten by your smile
Your hair was smooth as silk
You hated drinking milk

You stayed there, you could not come
I got my stuff and went on home
I promise that I'll never forget
In my heart your sun won't set

I had you, I needed you
I wanted you, I lost you
I prayed, I was craving
That smile kept on saving
Hate me like I love you
I always tried to be true
Now I'm laying in the slum
Live well, you are my sun

Coke And Gun Powder

The day has dawned
The world is out of reach
Kids keep being spawned
They keep fucking on a beach

They jerk off in their room
Guys smoke some pot and joke
Girls treated with a broom
We all have hearts of oak

Sluts with whom you live
Keep screwing with your scrap
PMS their hive
I'd shoot them off the map

Sunset and I'm there
Rugby on the cube
My trophy's on the wall
They laughed now they're screwed

When I lay down and sleep
I pray for those I hate
They're trash why should they leap?
God will fish them out like bait

Grey Clouds For Rain

I’m finally back. After 4 months I’ve decided to write another chapter on my blog. Another perspective. It’s been a while since the Male Values were the next best thing on a love frustrated guy’s TO GET list. I’m back but for now I don’t feel like making anyone laugh. A giggle is always welcome but there are moments when even a clown needs time off. If you’d met up with me 2 months ago, I’d be as ecstasied as a teen just before having sex for the first time. I was happy. Now that I’m back in the real world, I don’t seem to know what reality actually is. Is it showing all your manhood by being a breathtaking dancer and getting as many girls into the sack as possible? Is it finally recognising that you can never rely on anyone but yourself to get the job done? Is it trying to be brave, when the two people you love most in the world are a thousand nautical miles away, aging and being beautiful and vibrant as ever while you get drunk? Is it telling your friends that they’re everlasting and then replacing them with others you just met? If all these things mean you’re alive, then I define my current state of awe as being purgatory. The sky is grey. Either that or it’s just the deflexion of my freshly shaved and scarred face. We spend so much time facing ourselves, trying to look better, stronger, and more charismatic, that we forget to flip the coin. Tails work on those that are not self centred and drastically beautiful. However, in our lust, features are all that matters. What we forget is that Venus is just as shallow.
I was admiring a plane the other day. In doing so I was in fact admiring man’s brilliance. I have always been bewildered by flight. The way tons of iron and steel welded together can face gravity is beyond anyone’s imagination. Maybe the reason why man hates life is the same reason why he hates maths. Reality, like maths, is all around us. We hate what we don’t understand, so we deprive ourselves of knowledge. Years later we miss the 1 million dollar question for 2 minutes of stupidity a decade earlier.
This leads me to the primates I share my air with. Most of them are the biggest scum the world had the embarrassment of breeding. They call themselves non racists and label me as one. All because I don’t hold others on pedestals and worship them all day long. I face blacks, whites, browns, blues, indigos, cucumber nosed, tuna faced all as equals, and thus for, I read them as such. I don’t sit Mugabe on a thrown and only then reach the conclusion that he is too high to ever be heard. Wake up people! I can’t be read like a pamphlet or a mini dictionary! I demand respect! Don’t underestimate me and above all don’t wrongly try to correct me in my native tongue. EVER!
We can only prepare for a storm before the rain. When the sky turns grey it’s too late to act. Being the worst in Europe can rapidly turn to the worst in a planetary scale. Be aware. The first drops are falling.

MALE VALUES - PART 6

The holidays are finally on! No studying for a whole month. No theories, no chit-chat from teachers and no bull shit from your posey. In fact all I have to do now is rest my mind and exercise my C-O-C-K. It’s impossible for any man not to. No matter how much you have to do, no matter how many problems you have, your mini-you will always need some feeding. Lately I’ve been giving mine the 5 gal treatment. Yes, the 5 finger treatment. Mary, Kate, Sue, Jessica and Michelle aka my right hand fingers. I named my left hand fingers as Philly 1,2,3,4 and 5. I only use them on girls, unless they’re lesbians (where I then use my right hand) or bi’s (where I alternate between both). When I wipe my ass I always use my right hand. Ain’t no guy gonna stick a finger up my tight channel!
An alternative to the 5 gals is internet dating. I don’t buy it. Just imagine if all the apparently good looking girls with instant boning photos are in fact guys? Take a moment to reflect. Just imagine if a girl you’ve been chatting to for the past year is actually called Juanito and not Juanita as you originally thought. I know that it’s only a difference between an A and an O, but physically it makes all the matter. To certify completely, book the first flight into paradise and make sure those Emerald eyes and that sexy voice are in fact belongings of a surfing babe. If you end up meeting a Jose Pablo instead of a Lolita, make sure you have an EXIT ONLY sign in both English and Spanish above your asshole. As a last resort, you can always stick a cork in it, just don’t shake your bottle too much or it might pop out. You can’t be too careful.
Dating neighbours is weird. Especially when you’re doing your best to keep it a secret from your parents. Those 10 steps from your flat to hers can be as tricky as convincing your mom that your neighbour was indeed performing CPR and not just giving you head as it may have seemed... You have to plan things with precision. That’s what makes things exciting for little Philly (the monster not the finger!). You start acting like a spy. Your mission is to bang the neighbour as best you can and as clean as possible. If you get caught you’ll get shot by her cop father but you should still take the risk. Life is made out of risks. Most of them fuck up your life and make a kid call you dad when you’re still 16. Others get a smile out of your High School Prom Queen the day after the worst drinking night of your life (which you can’t remember), yet others set you free from mind slavery. These are the risks worth taking. I’ve stopped drinking because that’s not the way to forget her. Risking on someone else is. I met a girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s the T in Terrific and the T in Taboo. She brings thoughts of the Original Sin in me. But above all she managed to do what booze couldn’t. I appreciate it, even if she is just a Wild Card.

Every single part of Male Values is inspired on some special people. Even though I don’t mention any names, they all know who they are and that I respect and care for them all. I pay homage to friendship. Friends are something gained throughout life, not something inherited like family. We can choose our friends, not our relatives. Therefore, next time you meet up with a FINE (Fuel Injection Nookie Ecstasy) girl cousin of yours, make sure you point out that you are friends, above all, and as such she will feel free to get naked, join you a bubble bath and help you with your Climax. That’s what real friendship is all about. Fuck Friends save lives. Don’t wait any longer. Give your mate a mate.

MALE VALUES - PART 5

If I’m publishing this then I must have had some good reviews on Part 4 or sunshine probably apologized for being such a bitch. Either way, I’m back for another chapter. Most of my friends have been saying that I’ve been lacking in dirty talk for the last few weeks. I know I’ll be writing my death sentence (Sunshine and Co.) but lets get things back to male talk, shall we?
99% of women (note: the other 1% is under age 4), hate using toilet paper. To them the concept of wiping ones ass is as unknown as celibacy to men. How do they expel those nasty rocks you ask me? Well, by wearing thongs. Have you ever had a good look at those? They are nasty buggers that seem to fit into a woman’s asshole tighter than a nutcracker on balls (but that’s another story altogether…). What women do next is grab their weekly thongs in a bundle and throw them all into the washing machine. Kind of makes you wonder why some jeans have brown smudges on them.
I just got back from court. Don’t worry, it’s still safe for you to have chickens at home. I just got back from my law appeal. The one I suggested back in Part 1. According to the judge, the only reason women use skirts is to provoke a man. Not because they want him. He stated that one lovely green eyed girl from the Dominican Republic said, and I’ll quote: “We love the drooling look on guys’ faces when we move around in mini-skirts. We have the laugh of our lives…” Honey, your green eyes have me drooling already, never mind the rest of you (Love You Sylvie ;-)) Music is a woman’s way of blowing a guys mind. I’m not mentioning dancing (again), I’m referring to a simple, plain, “harmless” song. We all have a song that reminds us of a girl. Hell, I can name 100 songs and each one will be linked to at least 1 girl. We just can’t let it get to us. A friend of mine used to love hearing She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, it was his “Moment of Glory”, now she dumped him, literally, and I’ll have to buy a fucking new Hi-Fi for playing that song every time he “accidentally” walked into the room.
This crazy thing happened to me a few months ago. I added Mario’s Let Me Love You video clip to my blog under the title: Mario – Let Me Love You. My mom got so perplexed when she saw it blogged onto my blog that she thought I was gay. (Damn, ok Richard, laugh it off, you too Braza) I got so pissed that I said: “What?!! You think I’m gay?!! After all the proof I’ve shown you?!!” She just said: “Well, college does thing to people” I will say no more. University does things to people. Some go gay, I didn’t. Some girls go bitchy, the ones I know didn’t. That’s what pisses me off. The Jews Promised Land was Egypt. Mine was Coimbra. I heard so many stories. I was rating it as XXX city of Portugal! I even had T-Shirts done: “Life Sucks. So Will You!” I get here and nothing. Not even a note on my flute. Not even icing on my cake. Not even coming with a little loving. No one told me you have to work for these girls too. I thought that getting a bone was enough to make her worship your god. Obviously religion isn’t the best approach, unless she’s an atheist wanting to kick the fucking hell out of you! A prick I still call my friend says I’m mean for writing Male Values. I guess that Varsity definitely got him from the BACK.
Drinking has to be the most efficient Lie Detector around. A few sips of Ethanol are enough to get the truth out of anyone. You can tell if a girl loves you or hates you. You can tell if she likes your blog or if she’s about to be a whore and add a screwed up comment on it. You can even tell if she’s biting her lips because she wants you or if it’s just an allergic reaction to Pre-Semen exposure. Just don’t ever try that on men. It’ll get nasty. This one bloke told another bloke he was hot. Come on! I’m supposed to be in the city of Hetero-Love, not in the middle of a daily Gay Pride Parade!!
That’s all for this week. I know it’s been depressing but so is Elvis Costello. He sucks. No, Diana Krall sucks. She’s married to Elvis Costello. Diana sucks Elvis. Damn. I wish I were depressing.

MALE VALUES - PART 4

I really don’t fancy love. I used to, but I kind of gave the whole caring thing a break. The reason I dislike it so much is because it’s the only feeling that alcohol doesn’t make us temporarily forget. I’ve had beer, whiskey, shots, even methanol by accident, in fact I’m drunk right now and still I can’t forget her. She’s not the Dancing Queen I’ve mentioned in my last 3 posts, nor one of those foxes. She’s not even the tiger. Unfortunately she’s the gal with the boyfriend. Everyone I know says she doesn’t deserve me. She’s either too dumb, too clumsy or too weird. She’s never either too beautiful, too charismatic or too smart. I’m starting to think people are just trying to comfort me!
Every time I get rejected I think about 3 of my friends. They have everything a girl may want and even so they’ve been dry for some time now. I’m referring to the Stormer, the Junkie who’s into Nitro and the guy who says he’s “hot”. Love is so lame that no matter how beautiful any other girl is and how hard she’s hitting on you, you’ll never give her any credit, all because you’re stuck on someone else. Freaking Hell! Since I’ve been in Coimbra, I could have been with at least 5 fascinating women and I’ve neglected them, all because of her. An impossible creature with a supposedly jackass boyfriend. I guess the only remedy for this madness is meeting another South African. Members from the same species usually get along. I met one the other day. She seems nice, but her boyfriend is almost as tall as the Sears Tower which leaves little room for my one storey tin house.
Everyone loves the movies. I don’t know if it’s the hot actresses, the groovy special effects or the cinematic approach, but we all try to be what we see on screen. I remember when boys wanted to be Karate Kids and girls wanted to be hookers like Julia Roberts, those were the days. All the money our moms gave us for tuck went into playing hide and go seek with our neighbours and riding the pony with our cousins. A friend of mine still remembers the day he presumably had intercourse. For the record he was 5 and she was 4. Today at age 18 he still brags about it. Bru, that doesn’t count! Not even in Michael Jackson standards! My life achievement would be to win an Oscar. Not the guy Oscar, the Academy Award. What about that? Me winning an Academy Award. Half the guys who win one don’t deserve it so what’s wrong with giving another nutbag a statue? I can’t act, my writing is worse than crap, I’d probably suck at producing and directing and above all I’d be too naturally ugly to play Frankenstein and too white to play Nelson Mandela. The guys who admitted me at UCLA must have been drunker than me when they decided to call me in. Either way I must have been the drunkest not to accept. I apologize for part 4. I know it’s not close to being as good as the others and that it’s too sentimental. I’ll leave it to you, the reader, to decide if I should publish further or call it a day. It’s been a pleasure.

MALE VALUES - PART 3

I love chess. Everything about it. The sound of ivory on wood, the endless mind games and the sight of drooling half-blind bald soviets who haven’t had any in years. The worst part of chess is the world championships. In this competition, Kasparov is chess’ Michael Jordan. The guy is unbeatable and as such the biggest faggot around. Why you ask me? Let’s face it. How would you feel if a dude said “checkmate” to you every 5 seconds? Just imagine, you against the champ, every time you hear that you get under the table and check his mate. Now that’s scary. I heard he’s playing against computers now. Talk about short circuit. I only play against girls. I stink at the sport but they don’t, so every time she says the magic word I slide on down and try to be a good boy…
Golf is another underachieving sport. How dumb can a game be? You whack a ball 500 times and only then do you manage to get the hole. I know that some guys get an eagle, that’s when you knock the ball and get it in the hole about 100 metres away. I admire that, but let’s face it. You only get “it” in first time once in your life.
Most people don’t know this but I’m half Portuguese and as such I often wonder what foreigners actually know about the country. I’d guess they know the soccer team. That’s probably as far as it goes… If you ask a girl about Portugal she’ll say: “Cristiano Ronaldo is from there!” As a matter of fact Ronaldo was born on the same island as me – Madeira. The sad thing is that he gets all the gals, all the money and all the fame. I’m famous for being dumb, I count cents ‘til the end of the month and my gal is my right hand. I can see the resemblance… The other half of me is South African, and with that I inherited the love for braais, biltong, pap en vleis, boerewors rolls, fast cars and of course, Rugby! Now that’s a manly sport. Nothing like soccer. The okies in rugby put their bodies in the line every week. They get smashed, stepped on, kicked, punched and in the end they all look like trash. Even so, they all manage to date South Africa’s best. Most of them look worse than Freddy Kruger and still they get to sympathise with former Miss Universe’. I obviously ended up with the worst of both worlds.
Once I dated a girl. Yes, I had to make this crucial decision after I got shot in the leg by Mr. Smith for raping chickens on his poultry farm. It always seemed to remind me of KFC. As I was saying, I dated the girl for the good part of 3 years. I had ups and downs, a lot of ins and outs, and for once I was happy. I liked her. Maybe I loved her. But none of it mattered because under the sheets the girl was a tiger. Finally she broke up with me and is now living with one of the biggest nerds I have ever seen. But he’s a good nerd, ‘cause he’s a rich nerd. That’s what makes all the difference. If I were a rich nerd she’d probably be with me still. If I were a rich nerd I’d have girls lining up to be with me. If I were rich I’d have had oral sex by now. And if I were rich I’d ban music and bring my best friend from the dead. That way no girl would be able to ruin friendships. We would never have to tell them how beautiful they are and how much we need them. We would never have to say how much we’ve missed them and we would never ever have to say we love them, and how we always will.

MALE VALUES - PART 2

I just got back from surgery. They managed to stick back the part of my crotch that had gone missing. The nurse that treated me got so enthusiastic with the size of Philly’s Willy that she offered to finally give me a blowjob. Unfortunately it just wasn’t my day. She suffocated on the flake I had strapped around my pole and fell into a coma. What about that? The last thing a woman sees before falling into a coma is the one thing she seeks all her life for. Of course not all women like penis. Just like me some want kant. That one little detail is enough to make any lesbian my best friend. In fact, the next time I meet a lesbian, I’m going to invite her and her girlfriend out for dinner. I won’t get the blowjob I’ve always wanted, but I’ll get something more valuable: a pussy cocktail!

The other day I went to the beach. There’s nothing more soothing than sand, the sound of the ocean and semi-naked women. It’s vital for any man to choose a strategical spot where he can see either a topless blonde, a topless brunette, an underless blonde or an underless brunette. If you fail to do so, just lie down next to the best looking girl there. Secondly, and most importantly, look at her, make your presence felt then simply walk up to her and lie… Try telling her you’re Canadian, that’ll get her attention. After you apologise about a hundred times for Celine Dion and Bryan Adams she’ll smile, that’s when you lie again and say you’re a surfer. Chicks love dudes and waves. Then you ask her out to dinner or as dinner. If she says no, you obviously asked her for her number – big mistake – women control you, you never control women.

Instead of studying for my exams I sat around writing this chapter of Male Values. Every man is like this. When he has to study he either counts the hours to the soccer match, pulls wire, looks at Hustler magazine and pulls wire or takes a dump. Everything in a man’s life involves his body. He uses it, abuses it, and finally has trouble getting an erection at 50. Women prefer to exercise their minds. The less sex they have the more they study. Not even a virgin’s 5 speed vibrator her granny gave her gets any use, all because she has to think about her future. Everyone knows that sex is the best way of assuring your future. Take Sir Isaac Newton for instance. If he hadn’t been playing around the apple tree with Eve he would never have discovered gravity. Or Benjamin Franklin, if he hadn’t been doing the maid on his roof, his iron cast condom would never have been struck by lightning. Everything happens for a reason, and sex is in all of them.
I shot my best friend today. Yes, that one, the anti-vulture clan leader. Finally I’ll be able to talk to that friend of mine, the innocent girl in my class. Everything’s so silent. I stare at her and hold her hand. Suddenly the unexpected happens. Music starts playing and she starts dancing. I quickly remember that I have to study for my exam. I run home, sit down, grab my book and then… I pull wire.

MALE VALUES - PART 1

To me, going to a disco is pretty much like shopping for groceries. You pick the best looking veggies and fruit which have to be just ripe and firm. Same goes for girls. Men are the simplest beings ever created. As soon as we get unleashed into a small space with flashing lights, our primitive instincts come into play. When it comes to snooping out for girls no man is an amateur. I’ve been out there with the best of them and apparently all it takes are a couple of words to make her feel like checking your mate. I think there should be a law that makes women have to have sex with you if they’re wearing a skirt or one of those blouses that let you see each breast in detail. If such a law existed, no man would have to go through a day without having his share of Gina. Women seem to crave your desire, even if they don’t want you. It’s like if your pleasure made her accumulate desire into one big orgasm, with someone else.
Don’t you just hate it when the girl you like loves someone else? Man! That’s a major bummer! You just feel like smacking the bastard silly and feeding his balls to the pigs! Even so, the worst is when the okie is your best friend. I know I shouldn’t be so resentful, but why is it that he only hits on the girls I dated that were foxes? Why didn’t he go for the vultures? Why is he so picky? What’s so unhorny about girls with a bigger moustache than mine? I’m sure she could shave it off! (including her oversized pubes, of course…) I’ve noticed that most guys are reluctant to have intercourse with virgins. In a way I understand why. A woman’s first time is said to be painful, therefore men don’t want to be associated with that single moment of unpleasant pleasure. Then again, it can’t be worse then her period, which means we can always give the slut another reason to wish she were a guy!
A friend of mine says he’d choose any brunette over any blonde. I’m not fussy. I like both. But I must say blondes are great! Let’s take 2 for instance: Jenna Jameson and Silvia Saint. Both are blondes, both have better bodies than any girl you’ll ever dream of dating, and at 35 we’ll still be jerking off thinking of them. It takes simple maths. If 100 men buy a copy of “Jenna goes Saint” and milks his prostate twice a day, we’ll have 100 happier men on Earth. No man buys brown haired porn star tapes! Therefore: Brunettes good, blondes better.
Have you ever had a blowjob? I’ve been wanting one since I was 12. But nooo! They say it’s “disgusting”. Can you believe that? Almost every girl lets you bang her in the ass, in the ears, in the nose, but they won’t let you do it in their mouth? Once I tried disguising my package as an ice cream, you know, Strawberry and Vanilla flavours on your balls, a flake on your winky and you top it all up with whipped cream. A true masterpiece! Unfortunately the urge to suck quickly turned into the need to bite. Now my monster is on a miserable scale of 25cm. I’ll never forget the 15 she bit off…
To finish the first set of thoughts I’ll be publishing on my blog, I would like to refer to someone special. Every man has a friend from the opposite sex. A girl that’s a friend but not a girlfriend. You only see her as such and you accept her as only that. All until the dreadful day she gets introduced to… music. After seeing the way that baby moves her hips, all your moral values about friendship fade away faster then you can say Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon. You start wanting her bad! You dream about her. You might even wet your pants. You propose, but once again you get dumped. Why? Ask your best friend.

Time

Life is in the moment
Time just started now
New borns cry their coming
Old folk pass tonight

Violets bloom in purple
Men don't come in white
Beasts and beauties splendor
God comes home tonight

Affection has no taking
Fear is on the move
Pornstars are all dating
Siblings all come through

Drugs are all like sex
An orgy of our dreams
Dope makes things near awkward
Real and fake alike

Cups cease having bottoms
Hats stop needing tops
Hearts deprive all caring
Death is all we've got

Living through this chaos
Makes me ponder on
Craving for the second
When Christ will come along

Rainbow

Land of the wild
Home of the brave
The weather is mild
Eyes of a slave

Gauteng of gold
Egoli of praise
Regents be told
Avoid their gaze

Cape of wrath
Province of hope
Plagued by moth
Zapper and dope

Kwazulu of age
Blood in a river
Natal on one page
Fear makes them shiver

Once did he come
Six times for some
Five tribes of laughter
Two mornings after

Free it may be
Entwined more then few
None dared to see
Sweet morning dew

Nkosi of Shaka
Mister of Brits
Rainbow your hues
Strength comes in two's

Losing

I'm losing inside
My pain is abright
I'm taking the ride
Ain't seeing the light

Girls are just thrills
I'm lacking right through
Shooters and pills
Mary, Kate, Sue

Hot like damn hell
My pal ain't get none
Not banging a well
'bout time I got some

Screwing my paw
Mastering my bate
'till all it gets raw
Can't sleep when it's late

Love is my jail
I just did my time
Rainbow through sail
Stone made of lime

The end of the beginning

-Damn! I screwed it! That's exactly what I told myself on that unfortunate Tuesday afternoon, moments after making the move of my life. You know when you have one of those bloody hard soccer games that you just have to clock at any cost but you can't? I felt 100 times worse. The thing is, THIS game can't be clocked by a loser... at least a loser like me. I woke up quite confident that morning, knowing that I'd have to break it to her, no matter the cost, I had to tell her what I'd been saving back for the good part of 5 months... Of course I kind of digged her pretty face from the moment I saw it. First looks were not deceiving. I got my damn suite on... about a pound of gel that would make Travolta proud and my nifty arnette's. I felt like a recruit on his way to Guadalcanal, forseeing the first bullet striking through his chest. Duty called, I walked up to her, sat down, my head wizzed with all the beer I had drunk before. I personally think that they should start calling it a miracle and not plain BEER... I was cool, told her all I felt and that the only reason I never said a word before had to do with her okie... probably the luckiest fucker on Earth. I had planned to say what I had to say and simply walk away. She held me back and called the sentence. I got the friendship line, for the one thousandth time in 20 years... ok... 7 years... impossible as it may seem I did NOT hit on the nurse during labour! She was dazzled! She didn't see it coming! Even though practically everyone in the city already knowing that I fancied her (her included) she seemed struck!! I FINALLY walked away. We're still friends, even though I lost the match and threw away the game, I still liked it... I never scored but hopefully I'm not the only one. Now I'm gonna rest my eyes. Games are harmful at least till the new version comes out. GAME OVER. I lost. Christ had a purpose for all this, I'll never understand what.

PhP Mystique

Popping up around the town
Screeking on all doors
Picking rose buds off the ground
Quenching all his bores

Yankie Doodle is his mate
Smoking on their way
Laughing for not being late
A new feather everyday

Humpty Dumpty was on the wall
Strangely this time he did not fall
Hamlet was there when he did drop
Ophelia had not need for a mop

Jack and Jill went down the hill
They had already gone up
Soon they reached the pepper mill
Bo Peep had a new pup

Love and friends had to move out
their gig was out of date
Lust came in to run the joint
She ruled from that same day

Finally that day had come
The factory was in town
Charlie could not be dismayed
Sweetness he did taste

Some years later a boy arrived
From the rainbow he did come
On Atlantis he tried to survive
At the moment he's deprived

Going to the club one night
He searched out for a muse
Something though just wasn't right
They had been sent away

Now he lives in peace of mind
Among the mystic few
Dreaming of the times
When he was still brand new

The only person I trust is the only person I am

The world is against me
Not the world but the land
I just can't be free
When I'm walking on sand

My friends are but few
The fake crushed on my way
I will soon renew
And my pain will not stay

Pain is all in the head
I try to conform
Am I just undead?
Life by a norm

Rain will drop on all
On soil soon fall
Roses be washed
Backs will be lashed

I live and let live
Damn why can't I?
Theories don't strive
When someone does die

In the Land of the Doves

Hitting rock bottom never felt so smooth
Being alone never felt so sweet
Screwing seems so far in time it's pathetic
Loving you so makes me just forget it

Lashing my mind when I should be resting
Pictures of you make me wish you were mine
I guess that soon my heart will stop beating
Want me no more, your eyes were the sign

Upgrade each time my mentor kept saying
In the land of the doves you are so portraying
A silver bullet strikes through my heart
Your lovely face tells me when to part

Beauty and lust both combined
Awake afrodite from the world of the blind
The zephyr of hope runs through my hair
Through the Land of the Doves I will one day dare.

Am I retarded?

Why is it that everytime I start getting interested in a girl, she either ignores me, gives me the finger, or worst of all has a boyfriend? These are some of the questions I constantly have running through my head. I keep asking myself, what don't I have? I decided to add this remark to my blog, hoping that someone out there might help me out! I know you think I'm being in some way well over melodramatic, the truth is I might as well be. Ok, it's true that now and again I get the odd smile, the odd touch, even the odd glance, and believe you me, some of those glances are anything but innocent, but even so I can't get to the other level... I sometimes feel like I'm... well... hated! Ok, now I'm way over my heels! I think I can better defend myself if I actually do some of my ratings. From what I've learnt, most women (actually all of them) are look oriented, believe it, they can be even shallower then us men, if that could be possible! I'm not a die-hard good looking guy, I can't make a girl fall to my feet with a million dollar smile, the best I can do is make her pleed for me to stop smiling! I can't be picked out of a crowd, but on the other hand, I think I'm ... fair, that's the in between of mega ugly and prince charming good looking, if you want it in an educational manner, I'd rate myself C+, just scraping the B mark. Impressive you might say, but believe me looks won't win you any prizes in this game, they might earn you a second look, but you need flair! You must be thinking: "Hold on, why should I take any advice from this dude, a moment ago he was moaning in self pity!" trust me, I know where I've gone wrong! Secondly and most importantly, you have to have a vibrant personality, be funny but don't become the clown, if she'd want that she'd go to a circus. Try not to be clumsy, I try not to, I take pills for that now, and I'm starting to see the results... 4 years later. I'm confident, not enough, but more then I need, I stammer a lot when I'm nervous, which leads to my bad portuguese accent getting even worse then it originally is, and most importantly, I have the most adorable english accent in the world, let's say it's a Hugh Grant meets Arnold Vosloo meets Jim Carey type of thing, did I miss you back there? Now down to the real deal, cutting the chit chat, the rit rat, the hokis pokis... none of this is actually important unless... and pay attention now... she loves you and you love her. I know I've blurred your thoughts, I've had mine blurred from the beginning of this term so I know what it feels like. I wrote all this crap, just to say that no matter how low you feel, felt and surely are going to feel, there is always a brighter day. No matter how heart broken you are, you still have tears for more, such is life, c'est la vie, shit happens, name it, it's heading your way. What really counts in the end, is how you face every single trap life sets before you, every single deceipt. If you love the girl... just be honest, it's not supposed to be easy, if it were easy I'd be going home to Angelina Jolie tonight... it's possible but not likely. If she has a boyfriend, give it time, don't start assembling voodoo dolls, I've tried it, it doesn't help, just give it time, she'll get fed up of him, and that's when you try your luck. I'm in this situation, I've been waiting for some time now, I'm tired, impatient and frustrated, but I'll wait, she's worth it.

Cold

I lived life for so long
Just like in a song
Calling in the dark
Lonely in a park
Wishing to be saved
Hoping everyday
While my heart gets shaved
By the words you didn't say

Rhyme of a Soaking Heart

Written once in Africa, recalled to the world.

I tried to sing a lullaby
Speak words right and true
None of this I will deny
Because I care for you

I live my life through Spring and Fall
Summer and Winter too
I guess that I have seen it all
But I keep feeling blue

I like her who ignores me
Or so I think it is
Is this the way it should be
Or am I just amiss?

I can't say what I feel
I can but I won't do
All this time I've been around
But I can't stop loving you.

The Right Side Of Wrong

Sweet November and I’m sitting all alone
Pen and paper as I’m sitting at home
Thinking of times when I was so pure
Thinking of times when I was so sure
You were everything I had back then
Sweet lullaby that a bird once sang
I wanted you right here with me
Hope that in time you might just be

Girl you’re the stranger in the sky
You’re the truth in every lie
You were there and I just didn’t see
Only you can set me free
You’re the air moving through my chest
Seeing you gives my mind a rest
Queen of beauty in the months of fall
On your thrown you stand up tall

In the beginning you were just a friend
In her shadow you did once stand
Then your friend just broke my heart
Me and her were meant to be apart
You held my hand and you stood by me
Told me what a good guy I’d be
If I stuck with someone true
Now I wonder if that girl was you

Girl you’re the stranger in the sky
You’re the truth in every lie
You were there and I just didn’t see
Only you can set me free
If I’m wrong then I must confess
When you’re not here my life is all a mess
I’m wondering if it could be
You in love with a guy like me

As I wonder I know I’m wrong