The holidays are finally on! No studying for a whole month. No theories, no chit-chat from teachers and no bull shit from your posey. In fact all I have to do now is rest my mind and exercise my C-O-C-K. It’s impossible for any man not to. No matter how much you have to do, no matter how many problems you have, your mini-you will always need some feeding. Lately I’ve been giving mine the 5 gal treatment. Yes, the 5 finger treatment. Mary, Kate, Sue, Jessica and Michelle aka my right hand fingers. I named my left hand fingers as Philly 1,2,3,4 and 5. I only use them on girls, unless they’re lesbians (where I then use my right hand) or bi’s (where I alternate between both). When I wipe my ass I always use my right hand. Ain’t no guy gonna stick a finger up my tight channel!
An alternative to the 5 gals is internet dating. I don’t buy it. Just imagine if all the apparently good looking girls with instant boning photos are in fact guys? Take a moment to reflect. Just imagine if a girl you’ve been chatting to for the past year is actually called Juanito and not Juanita as you originally thought. I know that it’s only a difference between an A and an O, but physically it makes all the matter. To certify completely, book the first flight into paradise and make sure those Emerald eyes and that sexy voice are in fact belongings of a surfing babe. If you end up meeting a Jose Pablo instead of a Lolita, make sure you have an EXIT ONLY sign in both English and Spanish above your asshole. As a last resort, you can always stick a cork in it, just don’t shake your bottle too much or it might pop out. You can’t be too careful.
Dating neighbours is weird. Especially when you’re doing your best to keep it a secret from your parents. Those 10 steps from your flat to hers can be as tricky as convincing your mom that your neighbour was indeed performing CPR and not just giving you head as it may have seemed... You have to plan things with precision. That’s what makes things exciting for little Philly (the monster not the finger!). You start acting like a spy. Your mission is to bang the neighbour as best you can and as clean as possible. If you get caught you’ll get shot by her cop father but you should still take the risk. Life is made out of risks. Most of them fuck up your life and make a kid call you dad when you’re still 16. Others get a smile out of your High School Prom Queen the day after the worst drinking night of your life (which you can’t remember), yet others set you free from mind slavery. These are the risks worth taking. I’ve stopped drinking because that’s not the way to forget her. Risking on someone else is. I met a girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s the T in Terrific and the T in Taboo. She brings thoughts of the Original Sin in me. But above all she managed to do what booze couldn’t. I appreciate it, even if she is just a Wild Card.
An alternative to the 5 gals is internet dating. I don’t buy it. Just imagine if all the apparently good looking girls with instant boning photos are in fact guys? Take a moment to reflect. Just imagine if a girl you’ve been chatting to for the past year is actually called Juanito and not Juanita as you originally thought. I know that it’s only a difference between an A and an O, but physically it makes all the matter. To certify completely, book the first flight into paradise and make sure those Emerald eyes and that sexy voice are in fact belongings of a surfing babe. If you end up meeting a Jose Pablo instead of a Lolita, make sure you have an EXIT ONLY sign in both English and Spanish above your asshole. As a last resort, you can always stick a cork in it, just don’t shake your bottle too much or it might pop out. You can’t be too careful.
Dating neighbours is weird. Especially when you’re doing your best to keep it a secret from your parents. Those 10 steps from your flat to hers can be as tricky as convincing your mom that your neighbour was indeed performing CPR and not just giving you head as it may have seemed... You have to plan things with precision. That’s what makes things exciting for little Philly (the monster not the finger!). You start acting like a spy. Your mission is to bang the neighbour as best you can and as clean as possible. If you get caught you’ll get shot by her cop father but you should still take the risk. Life is made out of risks. Most of them fuck up your life and make a kid call you dad when you’re still 16. Others get a smile out of your High School Prom Queen the day after the worst drinking night of your life (which you can’t remember), yet others set you free from mind slavery. These are the risks worth taking. I’ve stopped drinking because that’s not the way to forget her. Risking on someone else is. I met a girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s the T in Terrific and the T in Taboo. She brings thoughts of the Original Sin in me. But above all she managed to do what booze couldn’t. I appreciate it, even if she is just a Wild Card.
Every single part of Male Values is inspired on some special people. Even though I don’t mention any names, they all know who they are and that I respect and care for them all. I pay homage to friendship. Friends are something gained throughout life, not something inherited like family. We can choose our friends, not our relatives. Therefore, next time you meet up with a FINE (Fuel Injection Nookie Ecstasy) girl cousin of yours, make sure you point out that you are friends, above all, and as such she will feel free to get naked, join you a bubble bath and help you with your Climax. That’s what real friendship is all about. Fuck Friends save lives. Don’t wait any longer. Give your mate a mate.
3 comments:
WoW, I am the first to post this comment ... What a honour!!!
Enough bull shit now.
1. Who cares how u clean u ass?
I mean, we all do it, but we just don't go around talking about it.
2. Who cares how u pleasure yourself?
Again, we all do it, but one thing I cracked myself laughing about was the lesbians!!!
Man, you got one hell of a imagination!!! LOL at the Bi's ... hopeing they are women too LOL LOL LOL
Keep them comming dude, can't wait to buy the book!!!!
Congratulations on the most original description of the male member!!! Mini-You... it shows respect for what controls the actual thinking of the whole product!
I found your writting very creative, you have a lot of imagination as well. Really cute the way you named your... well... right hand.
About friendship, I think there´s a lot more to it, but everybody has the right to their own opinion.
It´s good to know how some men think... but I think you shouldn´t give it away so easily. Women are sccoring points every day over man. You guys are becoming too layed back. Kisses from a friend
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