MALE VALUES - PART 1

To me, going to a disco is pretty much like shopping for groceries. You pick the best looking veggies and fruit which have to be just ripe and firm. Same goes for girls. Men are the simplest beings ever created. As soon as we get unleashed into a small space with flashing lights, our primitive instincts come into play. When it comes to snooping out for girls no man is an amateur. I’ve been out there with the best of them and apparently all it takes are a couple of words to make her feel like checking your mate. I think there should be a law that makes women have to have sex with you if they’re wearing a skirt or one of those blouses that let you see each breast in detail. If such a law existed, no man would have to go through a day without having his share of Gina. Women seem to crave your desire, even if they don’t want you. It’s like if your pleasure made her accumulate desire into one big orgasm, with someone else.
Don’t you just hate it when the girl you like loves someone else? Man! That’s a major bummer! You just feel like smacking the bastard silly and feeding his balls to the pigs! Even so, the worst is when the okie is your best friend. I know I shouldn’t be so resentful, but why is it that he only hits on the girls I dated that were foxes? Why didn’t he go for the vultures? Why is he so picky? What’s so unhorny about girls with a bigger moustache than mine? I’m sure she could shave it off! (including her oversized pubes, of course…) I’ve noticed that most guys are reluctant to have intercourse with virgins. In a way I understand why. A woman’s first time is said to be painful, therefore men don’t want to be associated with that single moment of unpleasant pleasure. Then again, it can’t be worse then her period, which means we can always give the slut another reason to wish she were a guy!
A friend of mine says he’d choose any brunette over any blonde. I’m not fussy. I like both. But I must say blondes are great! Let’s take 2 for instance: Jenna Jameson and Silvia Saint. Both are blondes, both have better bodies than any girl you’ll ever dream of dating, and at 35 we’ll still be jerking off thinking of them. It takes simple maths. If 100 men buy a copy of “Jenna goes Saint” and milks his prostate twice a day, we’ll have 100 happier men on Earth. No man buys brown haired porn star tapes! Therefore: Brunettes good, blondes better.
Have you ever had a blowjob? I’ve been wanting one since I was 12. But nooo! They say it’s “disgusting”. Can you believe that? Almost every girl lets you bang her in the ass, in the ears, in the nose, but they won’t let you do it in their mouth? Once I tried disguising my package as an ice cream, you know, Strawberry and Vanilla flavours on your balls, a flake on your winky and you top it all up with whipped cream. A true masterpiece! Unfortunately the urge to suck quickly turned into the need to bite. Now my monster is on a miserable scale of 25cm. I’ll never forget the 15 she bit off…
To finish the first set of thoughts I’ll be publishing on my blog, I would like to refer to someone special. Every man has a friend from the opposite sex. A girl that’s a friend but not a girlfriend. You only see her as such and you accept her as only that. All until the dreadful day she gets introduced to… music. After seeing the way that baby moves her hips, all your moral values about friendship fade away faster then you can say Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon. You start wanting her bad! You dream about her. You might even wet your pants. You propose, but once again you get dumped. Why? Ask your best friend.